GERALD

2010-10-09T01:55:00.000+08:00

I am such a loser in relationships. Such a FUCKING LOSER.

nothing goes right for me (:

Nothing.

2010-08-09T19:23:00.001+08:00

Okay, maybe he texts you first. But which girlfriend has a running convo with a guy when she is with her boyfriend?

2009-09-03T16:27:00.001+08:00

Spoil friendship.
spoil friendship.

HAH IS HE EVEN A FUCKING FRIEND?
Flirts with you
Suggestions a threesome with you and me.
Okay. I shall keep quiet.
I shan't do anymore.
Its a fucking waste of anger.cb
But you wont see this

Fuck them all.

2009-09-02T22:14:00.002+08:00

Hah. This blog is back to whatever it is before.
An emo blog. Pathetic. A hate and emo blog.

So I keep asking. What is with me and my girlfriends.
They all have a fucking guy problem.
C'mon. tell me an answer.
I am fucking tired of being angry,hurt and just simply annoyed.
I know I can't force stuff nor can i force you to actually just don't go.
But fuck him.
Fuck whatever has happened.
So much hurt is fucking UNERASERABLE.
Don't you get it.

I trust you now.
I don't trust him nor his fucked up dog face.
So what if the person is a nice guy?
Have you ever fucking realised he is using you for a rebound?
Can you fucking just sit your ass down and think.
He comes and says he likes you everytime he breaks up with his fucking girlfriend.
So much for a nice guy?
Because he is a guy who just wants another pussy.

Look on the broader picture not in that perfect world of yours.
Nothing is perfect. NO one is perfect.

Even when everything has ended. I still don't want around.
Because he is an object of hate for me.
I don't just hate him for the sake of hating.
Because of what YOU and HIM did alright?

I could say all the vulgarities in the world.
but one thing is for certain.
I fucking hate him.

Thank you and goodnight.

2009-08-26T10:44:00.000+08:00

For the record, I hate clubbing.
I'd let you go.
But don't come back crying if some thing happens.
Oh God. I fucking hate clubbing.

2009-06-18T22:54:00.003+08:00

It hurts to know that you dont trust me.
It hurts to know that we are argueing over a fucking note.
It hurts to know that you are hurt.
It hurts to know that you are to a brink of breaking down.

Oh yes it hurts,
Its ripping me apart.
Its ripping my insides so badly that I feel numb.

Its frustrating. It really is.

Fuck this shit.
You worth so much more.
And because of a fucking note, we are like this.
Perhaps we should start thinking if we are made for this.

Perhaps we should start thinking if its worth all the fucking hurt.

You were the best I ever had.
You were the one I loved the most.
You were the one I would willingly go out for.

Because I love you so dear.
I would let you go if you wanted to.

2009-06-01T14:51:00.002+08:00

Cause it hurts not knowing.
Cause it hurts that I cant do a thing without knowing.
Cause it hurts that you are hurting.
Cause it hurts knowing that we won't last if we don't iron it out.

in a nutshell. It just hurts to the core.

2009-06-01T00:47:00.001+08:00

Something is wrong,
I can feel it.
I am scared it goes down the same way as before.
omg fuck really.
please dont tell me you lost feelings for me.
omg please.

2009-05-31T23:21:00.000+08:00

I don't think I can keep things for long.
They elude me somehow.

2009-04-18T19:36:00.002+08:00

I am feeling shitty after today's few games.

Simply put, I was feeling sick and I vomitted and I couldnt play.

Seeing my team mates fucking suffering cause a heart pain in me.

fuck.

And I am not gonna let this one go.

Don't fuck around with me.

I will make sure you get what is in coming.

Watch your back son.

Ugh. Sinking feeling in me.

HHAH depression?

I dont know.

the only plus point today, is I know who I can count on.

Thanks bro. Means alot to me.

Fuck the rest.

2009-04-17T07:31:00.002+08:00

I decided to write posts that I dont want people to see right here.

So, today baby told me she is going drinking on saturday.
I was filled with fear ):
I don't want another incident to happen again.
I have no idea how am I to tell her that I don't like her going drinking ):

Whatever it is, its a wait and see.
I don't want to get hurt nor be disappointed again.

I miss you , love.

2009-02-17T00:49:00.004+08:00

I still wonder why was it before, you felt so right. yet you were so wrong. huh kerrie lee.
sigh.
You won't see this i bet.
oh wells.

2008-07-27T23:48:00.002+08:00

I just talked to my friend whom i have not talked in awhile.

I realised that i miss her alot. back in those days which i liked her.

You are being missed

2008-02-18T02:33:00.003+08:00

OI I HAVE MOVED

HERE

2008-02-18T02:33:00.001+08:00

Look at me in a different view, please

2008-02-16T21:25:00.002+08:00

I hereby announce that i'm tired from studying.

OMG TIRING.

anyway i just came back from stefen's house and a freaking filling Scottish style dinner.

I want to pass my exams
I want to pass my exams
I want to pass my exams
I want to pass my exams
I want to pass my exams
I want to pass my exams

thats all i want for the moment.And ash just shitted everywhere and cleanned his ass on the floor.

and of course you

2008-02-15T00:48:00.004+08:00

Today was tiring man.
First went over to changi and studied but i think studying one tutorial was fruitful HAHAA.
anway i couldnt find the flourist at the airport so i went back to Holland village to get one. haha
Got a pink one

Pink roses in general symbolize grace and gentility. For more subtle shades of meaning, choose deep pink to stand for gratitude and appreciation. Light pink conveys admiration and sympathy.
A deep burgundy rose means "unconscious beauty."

Anyway, the poor girl sprained her ankle. and she didnt get into the team. ):
Its okay yeah babe? you did your best. Proud of you (:

Okay. I'm gonna sleep soon. Tired from studying 1 tutorial HAHA.

I want to just see you again. Once a week is never enough (:

2008-02-14T02:49:00.002+08:00

Holla all ((:

Happy V day to all you all!.
So freaking fast huh.
its valentine's day again.

I got a plan tomorrow haha -grins
anwayyy. Going changi tomorrow to study.
THANKS ALOT OATS ITS FUCKING FAR. ):

anyway for those without valentine's date tmr? FIND ME. heh i'll be your date but of course you must treat me to stuff. BUT NOT EVERYONE CAN DATE ME PLEASE. I gotta screen you for weridos. thanks thanks

Two things to note :
1) Don't greet me with " hello friend" cause its damn formal. i dont like that.
2) AND I DONT FUCKING LIKE TO EAT WITH DIFFERENT LENGTHS OF CHOPSTICKS.

Shoutouts
Emery: haha baby girl, thanks so much for everything
Qixin : eh Mrs Lee AHAHAH. havent seen you in ages.
Oats : i hate you ): changi SO FAR,

2008-02-10T18:42:00.000+08:00

I'm emo. BECAUSE i didnt catch any prawns that day and im down 100+ in gambling yesterayy ):): trust my luck to fizzle out. AHHHH.

Goodbye.

2008-02-08T15:51:00.000+08:00

This is the time that i long for you.
The last time I'm missing you.
I'll live through this and I won't look back.

I'm saying for a last time. I love you.
Goodbye.

2008-02-06T19:36:00.004+08:00

you dont know how to love someone.
i dont show it that i love you. that i want you. but i told you.
you dont show it. you dont tell me that.

i didnt feel wanted. maybe i was a toy.
You were not the toy i was.

2008-02-06T19:36:00.003+08:00

you just dont get it. you meant everything to me. no matter what happened you did.
i left cause i felt you didnt want me that much as i wanted you. i left so many times. you didnt change. i did what i could for you. at least i changed abit. but i guess that wasnt enough.
why are you so cold. so fucking cold. i really cannot take it anymore.

so fucking important so fucking important, to me.

2008-02-06T19:36:00.002+08:00

Fuck you. I hate you.
Chase me out of the fucking house.
I hope you die young. Fuck you
or do you want me to die first?
I DONT FUCKING MIND. fuck you mr and mrs lee.

2008-02-06T19:36:00.001+08:00

Today was a mixture of good and bad stuff.
At night i went to fish with aloy and russell.
played blackjack and earned 20. not much but im happy enough.

then in the morning went with aloy to play soccer. so having not slept? i ploughed through.

after that i went to Bugis Junction with Emery. ((: shopped abit in the human infested shops. It was disgustingly crowded. Then i made my way to Vivo with her. Haha at least it was not crowded. HAHA I WANT THE MR NOSY SHIRT.
Emery, i think we didnt buy enough of cny stuff HAHA.
Anw, went home and argued with my mom.
HENCE, i'm angry now. I am emo now and i am sick now ))):
sigh.

Goodbye.
Please. I can't take it anymore.

2008-02-05T00:47:00.000+08:00

I want to fill this frame, but then again it seems empty for a long time.

Today was tiring. Lunch. Walking around and my CRM test.

I need to. The craving is tremendous when I am emo. ):

Save me. Plead you to help me.
You're my antidote to this depression.
My only cure.

1246a.m.

The need to see you is greater.
What are you doing now?
Well, I'm thinking about you.
The one that was there, now gone.

Omg, it hurts so badly.

Only one
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

2008-02-04T01:25:00.000+08:00

I feel quite " sian " there is no english word for it. so yeah.

2008-01-31T00:23:00.000+08:00

As Emery has requested. I'm blogging. haha!
okay I'm suppose to be studying but I don't have like a moood to do so. )):
I need to GYM and RUN. Cause im getting FAT like there is no tommorw.
I got like a 2 hour lesson tmr. and i dont even know what to do after.
Maybe going over to Ian's house. hur.
and my dog is being a BITCH.
Peeing everywhere. Screaming everywhere. idiot dog.

shoutout(s) :
qixin : come to think of it i'm tired too. so that means tired and cute? hahaha penguin! love you.

26th

2008-01-26T21:40:00.000+08:00

HEllo. today was navies for contact and touchh. AND both sides did freaking well (: well done pple.
I played for touch and the mens got 2nd! haha i was happy that we got into the finals but i was damn disappointed in myself doing badly in the finals. sigh
This maybe the last tournament i play for NP touch cause im going back contact.

I miss the times when it was different. Now it seems like everything goes. You dont seem to care anymore. sigh

2008-01-24T04:22:00.001+08:00

I'm high now. and sad.

2008-01-23T01:55:00.000+08:00

I hereby declare. im going back to contact training!:D HAHA next week.

I have decided to be happy no matter what. Last year has been spent in misery. So fucking no more.

Emotional

2008-01-21T00:21:00.001+08:00

): i dont think i can find a word to describe.

Qixin

2008-01-19T01:18:00.000+08:00

okay this post to qixn,

Thank you so much for being there
for me when i needed somone to talk to,
for being the only one i can pour my heart out to.
for being the one who can tolerate my emoness
for being the one who is looking out for me,
for being the one who loves me
for being the one who i truely care for,
for being the one who makes me feel better after an emo night
for being the one who really really cracks me up
for being the one who is similar to me in everyway except being a girl.

thank you so much darling.
I love you so much.
I'll be there for you no matter what.
Grow old with me girl.
love you so much

through it all, even if saving you brings me to heaven
i love you for who you are,

2008-01-18T09:34:00.001+08:00

It's too late baby, there's no turning around
I've got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud
This is how I do
When I think about you
I never thought that you could break me apart
I keep a sinister smile and a hold of my heart
You want to get inside
Then you can get in line
But not this time

Cause you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
I feel like a hero and you are my heroine

I won't try to philosophize
I'll just take a deep breath and I'll look in your eyes
This is how I feel
And it's so surreal
I got a closet filled up to the brim
With the ghosts of my past and the skeletons
And I don't know why
You'd even try
But I won't lie

You caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine

Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?
And I feel a weakness coming on

Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
I'm feeling like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded

And you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming

I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?

(I feel like a hero and you are my heroine)
And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
(Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?)
I'm feeling like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded
(I feel like a hero and you are my heroine)
And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
(Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?)
I'm feeling like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded

2008-01-18T09:34:00.000+08:00

I had a dream. A dream of a magic lamp with a genie inside. what the fuck. honestly i don't know why i'm dreaming so much nowadays. i am troubled i guess. ):
ANYWAY, I'm in IWD class now. bored and sian.
i mean it when i say i miss you.

2008-01-17T10:29:00.001+08:00

This week has been not too good.
I have given up.
After 5 months of it.
so sorry. I can't do anything else.
not good enough i guess?
I am the one trying to make you secure, guess i failed. in the end i was the one insecure.
):
I have alot of work to do. Isn't helping thinking too much. I'll move on.
i won't come back.
good luck to you.
I'll have to carry on without you next to me.

I was quite sick. so tired now. sigh. i wish last year and this wasn't that bad. We don't get what we want always.

we would have never worked out. I should have known earlier. Problems arise here and there. A new problem arises, arguements followed.

I miss you.

2008-01-17T10:29:00.000+08:00

Wah wah. I'm sick still. :). what a great time to fall sick.

okay, i'm in COMT class now. leaving in awhile. cause i gotta "help out in open house".
i have selections today. Boring core.
i want the weekend to come so that i can sleep things off.

qixin. i love you! My posts will have a shoutout to you everytime as you have in yours ((:

2008-01-14T10:11:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling giddy for the past 2 days.
Everything is moving so fast around me.
I feel sick.
Feels like dying.
and I'm thinking of you.

IWD PROJECT

2008-01-14T10:11:00.002+08:00

One word : Irritation.

Iwd project is freaking irritation.
I can't fucking put the picture in.
Irritating to the core.
More irritating than some stuff.
cause this i know i can do, but somehow it doesn't work? )):

The people who don't know what they want, are the ones that suffer the most.

2008-01-14T10:11:00.001+08:00

I am angry. Frustrated. Cause it was all nothing. GAH. Cause it cuts down to the bone. MY OWN realisation. Note the MY OWN please. MY OPINION.

I am fucking pathetic. you are right.

2008-01-14T10:11:00.000+08:00

Disaster. I have a pimple on my chin. ): haha

I need an answer. ): suffering.

Irritation.

2008-01-13T02:28:00.000+08:00

Fuck. I hear that name last time and now. What in the fucking world is so great about ____? fuck seriously.
so i lost my cool. OPS. whatever. I didn't take my mood out on you. It just happened the name cropped.

I am unstable mentally nowadays. So people best is you all stay away from me in case i lose my cool and scold you for something you didnt do.

but honestly. I fucking don't know what is going on. Msges can go on NOT REPLIED, NOT ANSWERED. LEAVING ME FUCKING WAITING FOR FUCK. and then later msges are not related to the topic. so what the fuck honestly. I dont know what you are thinking off. Writing this post has made me fucking angrier.

2008-01-09T02:02:00.000+08:00

Stefen moved near to meee HOOTS for that. now i got a lepak khaki in my neighbourhood. FINALLY. Its cold now. good weather to sleep. but then again i got a retest tmr. eeeeeek ): sighs.

I don't know what i want now? Its either going back. i want to. or either moving forward. I'm refusing to move forward. I just want to dwell in the past and not move forward. it makes me feel better. moving forward makes me uncomfortable. ):

Exhausted.

2008-01-07T23:16:00.000+08:00

It seems as if i'm complaining all the time about me being tired. Methinks that its irritating but then again, just LISTEN TO MY COMPLAINS YES?

I guess it's from the lack of proper sleep. From the late nights and the emo periods. GOSH. i feel bad for myself. Not helping myself sleeping.
What contributes to lack of sleep:
- Boredem
- Thinking too much
- Tv
- heh studies. HAHA okay nvm
- Hunger. OMG yes im hungry every night.

These cause sleeping to be a thing of the past and something i just want to do everyday now.
Study Gerald study.

I'm thinking again. IF only I didn't need to think. hurrr.

i need someone to be there maybe you? December 2006 why did you run so fast?

2008-01-06T22:48:00.000+08:00

I hate retest and studying. whats new? nothing.
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest.

sucks lahhhhh. )):

I had crystal jade for lunch today thats a bonus point today. :D
school tommorrow and that reminds me

Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest
Retest.

okay bye.

2008-01-05T15:04:00.000+08:00

hey went back to Pj yesterdayy after studying and eating at holland village. haha went back first person i saw. nazri. then adrian. whoooo. then halim and dunno what is the others names HAHA. forgot. but anywayyy, we stole food from the dinner. and went to dance the fun dance. HAHA it was fun lah. freaking long since i last spoke to pple from PJ so long. then we left early cause we were afraid of the crowd okay maybe not we. ME. FINE ME. yeah went railmall ate the japanese restauranttt. ICEMINT whoohoo nice nice

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wish I had not said
Are played in loops til it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were?
Not our last days of silent screaming blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should've stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

4/02/08

2008-01-04T00:27:00.000+08:00

and a hello (: anywayy. yeah today went for training and my tendon was hurting away, HENCE MOODY. yeah. Going back to Pioneer tommorrow for orientation. I dont have much to say today. but yeah.

I'm not ready

Nonsense

2008-01-03T00:51:00.000+08:00

I'm going to announce something.

I'm fucking tired ):.

i want to chill someday and just sit and sleep hurr.
sometimes i wonder if i ever had those times.

NEW YEAR YO.

2007-12-31T01:35:00.001+08:00

HAHAHA i think its hilarious. but its not what you sick freaks think it is (:

anyway, to talk about the new year 08. its a hello to everyone. i shall name them all.

Maxine : hey girl. its been a long year huh. I miss you still. but then i shan't go on and talk emo stuff cause i said i wont talk about it anymore. anyway its been fun having you around. really. i hope you really get a better 2008 cause you deserve it. Dont worry yourself over anything. Bad stuff dont happen all the time. i wish i could be there for you. but it still applies. im always there for a reason. if you want to, im here all the time. you take care alright? whatever you do think about yourself first k? thanks for the year.

Eudora : MY BESTIE. what can i say? haha. thanks for being there for me. thanks for being there when im emo. thanks for being there to talk to me. thanks for just being there. I feel comforted that i know someone is near me taking care of me. I'm always there for you. no matter what happens. :D

Qixin : HELLO THERE. hahaha you! you have been a great wife HAHA. i hope next year is better for you. with me OF COURSE right? haha thanks for being there for me (: thanks for making me laugh. thanks for consolling me. thank you big time. i know we had fun. but we had our own indivial problems. but then we are there for each other. you know i am. stay strong okay girl? ((:

OATS : HAHAHA HELLO BBF. i hope this year has been a fun year for you. thanks for being there for me too i really am grateful for you being there for me. giving me advice listening to me emo it away. thanks so much. you are one great friend (: i hope next year would be great for you cause you deserve it.

Emery : haha GIRL. i really am happy i met you this year. thanks for being there to make me happy. you are really a darling. Im sorry i didnt get you anything for christmas or for new year. i know this year is shitty for the both of us. but hey lets go out on it with a bomb alright? and lets make the new year a much much better one. a great one in fact. (:

SHI : HAHAH SORRY. i never post yours HAHA. HMMM you are funny girl laa. seriously making me laugh a hell lot. Sabri likess youuuu! HAHA funny anyway i love you the same as everyone :D you go dodger!

To all those i never mentioned. i love ya'll. really. time flies, im scared of it. but you all make me want each day to come. cause i have you all for me. you all to make me happy to joke with me. if im emo sorry babies. i cant help it. but in a NUTSHELL i love you all lots (:

time has passed. i got no resolution except to be happy. i will try. and i hope i will be.

goodbye o7, you are never coming back
hello 08. you came too fast (:

Team.

2007-12-31T01:35:00.000+08:00

Please, don't quit. don't give up. I haven't played with you on the same team. Stay. I'm sincerely saying stay. Stay for me. Stay for the friends you have.

Sometimes, team selections break a team up or make a team. It all depends on how everyone takes it. but inevitably it will break it up. think about your teammates. think about the effort they put in. and push yourself. somet people come down just for selections only. think for your teamates.

and dont quit. please girl. dont quit.

Shoutout.

2007-12-30T23:40:00.000+08:00

This is a shoutout to liow qixin. HELLO. been great having you by my side this entire year ((: you're such a babe. thanks for loving me :D I love youu. but hey this year ain't a good one then lets make next year a better one yeah? we shall make sure we end it fuckin well tmr (: end this shit year. ANYWAY qixin the queer. You know im always am at your side. whatever it is. wont leave you in a lurch anytime at all. count on me k? love you babe.

2007-12-30T14:30:00.000+08:00

Last thoughts.

2007-12-30T05:18:00.000+08:00

I'm getting over you for sure. but thank you from the bottom of my heart for the times we shared (: sigh.

When time passes, I walk down the road and call out your name. Would you still care for me. Tell me you would still. Cause I care for you and forever will. please tell me you care for me. tell me and let me rest in the fact that you do. Cause lonliness might swollow me up. tell me you care and pull me back up. Cause misery has found its best friend in me. So save me. Do it for me one last time, even though you're tired of doing it. do it for me. tell me you care. tell me.

Maybe we were deceiving ourselves that we really liked each other.

hur.

2007-12-29T16:33:00.002+08:00

I don't like people who replies take darn long.

and i hate fickle minded people.

2007-12-28T11:27:00.001+08:00

I'm remembering the times we had. The laughter we shared. The stupid faces we made. all hilarious and worth remembering. i love you. ): now that i've left. I dont know if i made the right choice. cause im missing you terribly. the only person i loved and cared for. if you were sick again lik that time, i would like to take care of you over again. Times with you in my company was fun, making me happy when i was down. you really brightened up my life. I miss you now and will do later.
Maybe we'll be back to when we were, just you and me again, just maybe.

2007-12-27T15:21:00.001+08:00

sigh. wishful thinking of mine for everything to change

2007-12-27T10:36:00.000+08:00

If I had to make a resolution, that would be to think less, far more less. Lonely times are spent thinking of the past, present and future. I would rather care less, and be someone with no feelings but then again, I can't. Yeah its true I bottle up everything in me, cause I don't want to bother anyone with my problems. Meeting you was something but then me feeling like a third party is something else. Maybe I shouldn't have come in. Uh, sounds like I wanna leave again doesn't it. Everytime I want to leave, you pull me back. I shouldn't have put my foot in when I shouldn't have. Maybe you'd be much happier with him then me. Feeling like a third party makes me regret now. sigh. I really have no mood to do anything else already. Christmas was spent not by your side. I really should go or backed out when I had the chance. I made your life already shitty. ughh. I feel so useless now.
I'm so sorry this blog is fucking emo. ):

Christmas thoughts.

2007-12-26T04:13:00.001+08:00

hurr i just got back from a party.
it made me think how much i miss your presence.
sometimes i feel we are not meant to be. but then the other times i think strongly we are.
i now sincerely say i'm sorry for all the shit i caused. i may have said sorry too many a time. but now its a sincere one. i hope you will forgive me.
this christmas was spent without you beside me. i want to spend the next christmas and the next with you.

i love you.

Jingle bells are not ringing for me

2007-12-25T00:23:00.001+08:00

Merry Christmas all. Forgive me for not being in a joyous mood. This christmas isn't what I anticipated it to be. Its spent in misery. I guess. For no fucking reason at all. I'm so sorry )): sighs. this christmas is the worse of all christmas spent. Family dinner was in silence for me. couldn't bring myself to talk. Just had the feeling of wanting to get out. I wanted to spend time alone, yet i was afraid of lonliness. I am lonely now. trying to sleep. sigh. Something bad is going to happen i can feel it. sighhh. anyway. God bless you people there. Hope this christmas is something worth remembering for you (:

I hope its a better Christmas for you then its for me. (: I'm giving you my heart for safe keeping.

Ramblings.

2007-12-22T17:08:00.000+08:00

I was in the wrong i admit. I am always in the wrong anyway. I don't change. I never will. I always seem wrong in your eyes. Mocking me, slowly taking my confidence away. Constant scolding me. I dont warrent this at all. Go ahead drag me down further, deeper, down into the depths. I endured it cause i liked you. but then i have my own limits. and today was my mistake and then i'm fucked. i still like you i do, but i wish we could be different together. i wish we could be happier, but then for the moment its wishful thinking. The arguements never seem to end. Arguements with you is painful enough. And at home i have to argue with my parents. i can't really take it anymore. i just want all arguements to stop. i dont want to care anymore. but i still have to. cause i like you. It hurts to argue. If there was ever a time you are at fault. i take the blame cause another mistake i make is no different from the numbers of mistakes i have. I miss you when you are not here. i feel no different from being with a person i like and a normal friend on anyother day. I need a break from everything. i hate this year. i wonder if i do deserve what i get. i think i do. i blame myself for everything. say i dont have self confidence. I don't and I don't mind dragging myself all the way to wallow in self pity and be miserable cause thats where i feel comfortable cause my whole year is like this and I'm used to it. Try as i may to stand up and get out of it. I can't cause I tried many times i still fall back in deeper each time. why does every single thing i do wrong? maybe i'm just a total screw up.
i guess the best is not to want something or someone badly. cause it makes you miserable.
so to whoever who dislikes me, i'm sorry. i can't change myself for you.

i feel like a third party

2007-12-20T06:14:00.000+08:00

It's not that i don't like you clubbing. Its more of I'm afraid things might crop up that makes me worried. say I'm insecure whatever, but the bottom line is i'm worried for you. thats all. its 6 a.m in the morning and I can't sleep anymore. after getting your i need you here message. just can't simply go back to sleep anymore cause i'm WORRRIED.

btw? Ash snores when he sleeps hur. snore/growl.

you keep me thinking about you.

2007-12-18T01:33:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling miserable for no reason. I should not be. I got nothing to feel miserable about. but i do. ): i need to find out what is wrong? easier said than done. ): sigh. i feel like shit really shit.

2007-12-07T03:58:00.001+08:00

i had the weridest dream last night. it was a nightmare :/ i was ordering saba fish. then the chef started eating my fish! wth. i was so pissed i shouted at him. then i woke up afraid.. -.- fucking retarded.

sleepless nights are spent thinking of you (:

2007-12-05T01:20:00.000+08:00

i don't get it and i don't understand. I don't think you get me.

2007-12-04T00:46:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I think I'm not ready at all. it just isn't right for me. I don't know what to do now.
yeah i agree i have a " i don't give a fuck" and " defeated before the battle begins" attitude. that makes me a push over. hate it then. that isnt going to go away. do you think i want to argue with you when i know i can never outtalk you? seriously. go think abt my level of outtalking and yours. would i be willing to try and get scolded and insulted? I shld stop mixing with people one year older. they make me feel stupid. i hate it. go ahead people pick arguements with me. pick fights with me. i will sure lose to you and make you feel good that you've won. maybe i will pussy out and fun as i always do cause im a fucking pussy. slapped and punched without retaliation. if you were guys. i will fucking punch you all. think its fun for me to be insulted humilated huh. fun huh.
two words if you want to do it again. fuck off.
i will retaliate one day.
watch me.
you'll regret it then.

2007-12-02T05:15:00.000+08:00

hey,

umm its 5.15a.m and I'm not sleeping yet. ugh. Don't blame me if i sleep the whole day tommorrow. anyway. i have to sleep. but then again. its too late to sleep. so should i sleep or not? hm.

" life is soundtrack and you are the track i put on repeat. "

2007-11-26T00:48:00.000+08:00

hey,

Thanks for everything. You make me darn happy (: No more emoness anymore (: fonder day by day :D

2007-11-24T03:10:00.000+08:00

hey ho from oatsy's house.
Ameer, Russ, Qi and me and of cos oatsy are suppose to drink but LOOK AT THE FREAKING TIME. 3.15 AM SO BLOODY LATE. I dont know if we are eventually gonna drink.
There is rugby tmr match at SCC 4pm. Still considering if i shld go annot.
i got loads to do
1) Econs Project
2) CRM project
3) COMT project
4) Econs tutorial 5
5) Law tutorial
6) study for common test. ( yeah right)

The rest is either i dont have or i never hear of.
so screwed.

2007-11-19T22:44:00.001+08:00

I'm gonna move on and forget you. Its not worth it, waiting and hoping. Its a waste of time. dont blame me for getting pissed. I'm frustrated. everything is not going right and you leaving made it worse. it was my fault. blame me. i admit my fault. but Im not gonna dwell on it. i'll just take it as one of my biggest regrets. fuck it. I'm moving on

qixin ,. says (10:47 PM):
what do you wish for your birthday huh
qixin ,. says (10:47 PM):
like before u blow the candle.
qixin ,. says (10:47 PM):
what will you wish for
Gerald. says (10:50 PM):
i would wish for less regrets in my life
Gerald. says (10:50 PM):
cause i have too many
Gerald. says (10:51 PM):
just too many

i hate it. too many regrets i have.

2007-11-19T13:06:00.001+08:00

4 days and counting of saddness and regret.

I did treasure the you and the times we had, but i wasn't really good at it.

but i guess i have to move on.

2007-11-17T17:47:00.001+08:00

I need someone like you to confide in again.

2007-11-17T17:47:00.000+08:00

Want to know, what i'm feeling now?

Memory
Fading from the mind like a melody
Tangled in the reverie of time
It's so hard to say goodbye

And endlessly
Talking to the angels of your heart
Dancing with the demons of regret
It's so hard to let you go

Paint a picture in my mind
A life I had but left behind
Baby when you call my name will you still care

Tenderly
Slip away to find a better place
Just flying flying flown away from home
Now you stand alone
Now you stand alone

2007-11-16T17:56:00.002+08:00

I'm so tired, thinking about stuff. sigh

I feel worthless, such a disappointment. you must have thought of leaving before that day.

2007-11-16T17:56:00.001+08:00

This happened too fast ): It really did. you said i would be gone before my birthday. but its you who has gone ):
too fast too fast.

I'm happier with them? but i'm not happy now. I miss you terribly. This I really mean it.

we are nothing more, nor even friends. I never wanted this.

2007-11-16T13:09:00.000+08:00

Make a memory by bonjovi.

Hello again, it’s you and me
Kinda always like it used to be
Sippin' wine, killing time
Trying to solve life’s mysteries.
How’s your life, it’s been a while
God it’s good to see you smile
I see you reaching for your keys
Looking for a reason not to leave.

If you don’t know if you should stay
If you don’t say what’s on your mind
Baby just, breathe there’s no where else tonight we should be-
You wanna make a memory.

I dug up this old photograph
Look at all that hair we had
It’s bittersweet to hear you laugh
Your phone is ringing, I don’t wanna ask.

If you go now, I’ll understand
If you stay, hey, I got a plan
You wanna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You could sing a melody to me
And I could write a couple lines
You wanna make a memory.

If you don’t know if you should stay
And you don’t say what’s on your mind
Baby just, breathe there’s no where else tonight we should be-
You wanna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You could sing a melody to me
And I could write a couple lines
You wanna make a memory
You wanna make a memory

2007-11-15T13:12:00.001+08:00

What could i do. if you insisted me on going, but i went and this happened. if i didnt go you might get angry with me. i have no idea how am suppose to choose in this case. sigh anyway its over. i shall just blame myself and you can blame me for all you want. whatever. i swear this sucks.

sometimes, i feel as if everything is my fault. I won't deny it or even argue it. I'll just let it be my fault. I dont want to argue with anyone anymore. i've lost something which really meant something to me. If i didnt show its too late. and i have no mood or to do anything else anymore. ):

Sometimes i wish i went to a jc. all this wont have happened.

2007-11-15T13:12:00.000+08:00

hey,

I'm sick ): ): ): too many late nights. :/. I amazingly feel hyper now even though I'm darn tired.

I've quit!. Thats an anouncement long in coming (:

2007-11-12T00:39:00.000+08:00

Holla,

Today talked to a friend abt treasuring the people around ourselves. Which is quite true, i mean we dont treasure the people we love. She said she takes people for granted and this is hurting people. i wonder how much of this is true to all of us. :/ maybe it is.

For me, i say its true. I take people for granted. I dont want to, but i cant help it. :(

anyway as in Ronin's song, " dont take too long to say i love you to the ones you love." (:

2007-11-11T03:10:00.001+08:00

hellohello.

I hate late nights, they are emo nights. it makes you think of the past and the things that you wish would have taken place. I said before, life is full of regrets. yeah its true. i guess we just got to suck it all up and move on. I think i think too much on my own. That sucks as i tend to think far too much :\. Wasted opportunites are the ones that gets you annoyed. cause you have a chance to get what you wanted but yet it slips through your fingers so easily. Too easy for comfort. So much for effort isn't it?

I'm thinking about the past. Too much things i have let slip through my fingers, i dont want to let anything else slip. i really dont. but i know i will in the end. ): i guess, i dont make the effort to keep things with me. i drift around people too quickly. sigh.

acutally tonight's emo post is because i have no food to eat and im starving. maybe just emo abit too.

2007-11-05T23:27:00.001+08:00

today isnt a good day at all, in fact its a fucked up day :/

FIRSTLY, we had our Client relation management ppt presentation. it was FUCKED. ok i did alot. not complaing but fuck i did alot. and those dudes rush and dont know how to present even thought they did it. walau. GUYS ITS A FUCKING 30% YOU KNOW. THATS FUCKING HUGE PERCENTAGE.

SECONDLY, my NEW pc, NOTE THE WORD NEW. just crashed because of nothing. fuck la. then my dad make noise. is it my fault? no right what the hell i do.

THIRDLY, ASH made my dad trip and fall. TSK rascal.

FOURTHLY, i didn't see you today ):

i didnt go training today. cause i was damn tired after presentation and pissed. abit. sigh i hope this fucked up day ends as quickly as possible.
bye

Sweet talking is abt empty promises right trina (:

2007-11-05T01:32:00.000+08:00

hellohello,

back after quite awhile. actually no. i went back to ACSI to watch a rugby match with my current sch. we lost but i think we did quite well against ACS.
nothing much has happened, except there is sch tmr? and its BORING. sigh.

i cannot deny im shocked. but i'll live with it.

2007-10-31T01:13:00.001+08:00

This photo is suppose to show loneliness.

I'm not lonely for your info (:

2007-10-30T00:33:00.001+08:00

I guess i can't prevent your breakdown. I really wish i can. I cant bear to see you break down. I may sound naive but you get my meaning. All i want is you to be happy once again.

i got injured people. Tendonities. because of my extra bone in my foot. the tendon went down and hooked itself on the bone, giving me pain when i walk. So i guess I'm like out for a long while. ): ITS DEPRESSING.

Anyway, this is a shoutout to emery. Keep strong girl. you know im always there for you (:

i need to cut my nails and my hair. ugh. too long. haha
bye

2007-10-24T21:14:00.002+08:00

I don't keep promises. That everyone should know. so if i cant keep promises, by right, i cant commit can i? So don't bother trusting me.
I'm moodswinging like a girl :/

2007-10-24T21:14:00.001+08:00

hey hey,

I swear I'm not going feel stupid and act stupid anymore. Those that want to mock me about it. fuck off. I hate feeling stupid.

anway. im rushing project now. sigh. sucks. i want to get rid of it and be done. once an for all. I'm going to do it nowwww. byee

2007-10-22T09:49:00.000+08:00

HELLO, I'm in class nowwwwww and im bored. i dont want to be reported to police. stupid CC. i will report her back. heh am gonna shooot her down. she is gonna fight it out with me :( im scared. :(

2007-10-16T00:01:00.000+08:00

AHH I LOST MY WALLET AT HOME..can you believe it -.-

2007-10-14T04:15:00.001+08:00

Smiles are masks of pain because they are dry tears that conceal sorrows

2007-10-14T02:12:00.000+08:00

-fuck the times i spent worrying abt you.
-fuck the times i felt insecure.
-fuck the times i felt hurt.
-fuck the times i didnt know what to say.
-fuck the times i was angry.
-fuck the times i was emo.
-fuck the times i thought something was going to happen.
-fuck the times i screw up.
-fuck the times i made you cry.
-fuck the times i made you feel hurt.
-fuck the times i was a disappointment.
-fuck the times i was miserable.
-fuck the times i was miserable cause you were hurt.
-fuck the times i knew i could be better but i was not.
-fuck the times i want to be there but i wasn't.
-fuck the times i was asked to leave.
-fuck the times i was pushed back and forth.
-fuck the times i was indecisive.
-fuck the times i couldn't leave.

i wont turn back, nor would i ever want to.

2007-10-14T01:38:00.001+08:00

Fuck you all. I hate you all. screwed me upside down. and it has to end this way. fuck you all and hope you all fuck up.

2007-10-04T23:41:00.000+08:00

i feel horrible now. Really do now. ):

2007-10-04T13:48:00.000+08:00

I worried abt you last night. I wanted to come down, but i could not. the photos showed me happy but was i on the inside? i dont think so. i hope you're feeling better. i really do hope ):

2007-10-04T01:54:00.000+08:00

and hi.,
check this out. STUPID PHOTOS

Scandalous photo there, aye?

Our smiles. Doesnt that warm your heart?

I swear her tongue is FUCKING LONG, this is just 1% of it.

Staring at Weric's friendster photos... UGH..

I dont want your kisses at all :/

Which one is cuter?, i leave it to you to decide, ASH or EUDORA.

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you (:

2007-10-03T22:41:00.000+08:00

I am navie, immature and childish. Actually almost is all the same meaning. I am not good enough. sigh. I feel useless and miserable.

2007-10-03T15:31:00.001+08:00

Feeling shitty is today's feeling, isn't a good feeling is it.

2007-10-03T12:43:00.000+08:00

holla,

today is a sucky day. went down for training. and got fucked repeatedly by damien. i wasn't in the right frame of mind. shld not have gone down. passes all screwed up. stonned arnd. couldn 't hear my name being called out by sul a few times.

Jane : i dont know girl, you let me know when you're free. cause I'm always free and will make time for you.

Thinking time.

Sometimes, i think its best to leave before it gets deeper. The higher you climb the harder the fall. this applies i guess. the deeper you are in it. the more painful it gets. but the main thing is leave and get over it. thats life. cant bear to leave must as well just go and die.

Didn't know which direction it was going. It wasn't okay that way, totally wasn't. It just wasn't right at all. Now that its over, should i sigh a sigh of relief? Or should i emo it away. I just have to decide later, for now, im exhausted.

Did i waste my time? I think i did. even though i enjoyed the moments. If only Ash could talk. hmm. that would be interesting, at least he is having fun running arnd without a care in the world. Only hopefully he shits and pees on newspapers for the time being.

Do i get over things fast? i dont think i do. but i for sure know i fucking will in the end. Sometimes, life just sucks big time. Things you want dearly, you dont get it. things you dont want to get in this lifetime, and wala, you get it. a big thanks to whoever gives that shit.

Don't bother missing what you lose or didn't get and won't ever get. It makes no point. it will make you miserable like hell. quote from Nat's blog " Sometimes it's just best not to want anything. That way if it goes away, or doesn't happen, you won't feel so melancholic. " so true. i wont bother wanting anything from now on. waste of time and energy thinking away. Don't expect me to want anything. i had enough of being miserable waiting a thousand years for something i thought i could get but in the end i didnt get.

" life is a tea cup.... " fuck off mitran. you lameass. that is such a lame phrase. hah.

2007-10-01T13:37:00.000+08:00

hello.

this post is dedicated for eudora yap.
i have to say that she is the best friend i have ever met.
thank you for tolerating my nonsense.
thank you for spending time with me
thank you for being there when i'm down.
thank you for being the one to take care of me.

and all i have to say to you girl is thank you. I will always be grateful to you.
I love you.

2007-09-30T02:25:00.001+08:00

oh helllo.

and i have a dog, heh. fucking cute fellow.

okay nvm aha. anyway. nothing much has been happening nowadays.
just the usual shit.

ugh i hate where i'm heading to. cant expect much and cant hope much. i'm giving up soon, tired so tired

2007-09-26T16:49:00.001+08:00

Ugh today's training was tough but manageable la. i think
haha hmm doing nothing now. bored bored bored.almost fell asleeep

my favourite song for the moment.
Ronin's
One More Moment.

Don't take too long to say
I love you to the ones you love
Cause time has a habit of slipping away
And out on a clear blue sky
When lightning strikes on a sunny day
Just take me in and keep me from the rain

And the words that seem so hard so say
Come out when you've gone away
Just stay a little while and hear me say

That I want you here tonight
And I need you by my side
For just one more moment
For just one more moment with you

Turn away to say goodbye
With each and every word that passes by
Like a distant memory
And time keeps slipping away
And time will turn to grey
And time will be the one who holds you down

Sometimes time will treat you bad
Before you even know what's wrong
And in the end it hits you hard
Please tell me you'll be strong

2007-09-26T00:54:00.001+08:00

I think i have moodswings. Like as if i have periods.

Cause i'm fucking irritated now. by ALOT OF STUFF.

so don't talk to me unless you have something important. If its to talk nonsense, fuck off and find another day to talk to me. thanks.

FUCKING IRRITATED.

2007-09-24T04:07:00.000+08:00

Okay, hello!.

hahah I'm damn happy today.

I met max at arnd like 5? then made our way to Plaze Sing, shopped and then ate at the Manhatten Fish Market. The sea food platter for 2? Its orgasmic. seriously. all shld go try it. FUCKING NICE. (:
then met eudora at night and jiahao and shi surprised me when they drove over and we went to pick eudora and we went for a ride to railmall. it was damn late, but heck.
drank Teh Ping. I CANT SLEEP NOW SHIT.

HAHA I'm damn happy today. Like seriously happy. (: never felt that in a long time. thanks all.

Replies.
Zee Wee: hey man. haha most prob wil work aye?
Felicia: hey! havent seen you in like a decade. so i will say ' HELLO'